Jobs and Chimps

I was originally planning on STRICTLY using this post as a means of including you all in a pontification on human to chimpanzee beastiality, BUT something came to my attention in the most recent dehydrated, run-around, thirty minute trek through profile-ville: Blogging is arduous as shit. There may be some debate to be had on this subject, but before you literately interject and berate me, hear me out. I go to college. I ride a bike sometimes. I can read. So why does it take 15 minutes for me to realize that I actually forgot how to post a new blog. Even the other moderator has known this since he joined the ever-growing team here at "laserstroke!" (in no way affiliated with the billiards game that has been brought to my attention of late). There should be touch screens on everything, with a simple button directing you to each possible action on the blog. The mouse? hard enough as it is, but throw in an interface outlined in blue (which I chose), a series of deliberately ambiguous wordings such as "settings" or "Monetize" and you got a mental filibuster on your hands.

And then there's the blog topics! Right? its like who the fuck do you call when you need something good to blog on? How about the dude typing next to you?! That's what I said too! (Lasers fly by!). I did just that and it would appear that THIS MAN THINKS THAT NO HUMAN MALE IN HISTORY HAS EVER INSEMINATED A FEMALE CHIMPANZEE. Or any physical sexual relations occurring in any combination, not excluding "the butterfly cake". I need to know how YOU feel about this.

Do you, or do you not, think that it is probable that some human has decided to take sexual liberties, at ANY TIME IN HISTORY, with a chimpanzee? The closest related species to humans, besides humans. Assuming you're not a creationist (lasers fly!), then the shear volume of centuries that man and chimpanzee have co-existed on this planet must weigh heavily upon your shoulders. 2.8mya? I'll have to check on that maybe it was 2.3mya? Anyway, who knows how many weeks that is!? Imagine... even if man only thought of this act ONCE a week, it would mean hundreds of chances for him to manifest his unspeakable chimp-oriented desires. Its not a question of whether or not you condone or partake in such animosities (get it?). Its a matter of statistics, critical thought, and a general lack of faith in mankind. Do you have these things? If not, then what did you eat growing up? Please, enlighten me (lasers!).

You know its at least... possible. Now, take the next step.

Blog

Always on the edge of new technology, laserstroke has taken on the newest one: Blogging. laserstroke foresees a huge opportunity here as the world of blogging will expand. Don't worry though, when blogging will become widely known to the general public, laserstroke will cease to use it immediately. The ever-evolving world of technology just cannot keep up with laserstroke as laserstroke moves on to more innovative things, for example the soon to come out lcd monitors that will be directly attached to your toenail, thus allowing you to keep your depressed stance but also providing you with entertainment at the same time. This will revolutionize people's lives, as it will finally allow people to isolate them completely from their surroundings, and other people! No more "Good morning/afternoon/evening" greetings from selfish bypassers who only greet you for their own needs of their own wellness, or their hidden agenda, rape. This new item will drop rape rates by 70%, guaranteed. All hail laserstroke for its life-changing gadgets!

Fans!!!

It has been scientifically documented that "fans" are what generate a "good" blog. Laserstroke, was and has always been an innovator in this respect. We don't need "fans" to operate. We're like Batman, but more violent and obtrusive. Like if Batman were addicted to drugs and lived across the street from you. You would always come home looking over your shoulders, nervous that he would throw one of those BALL-ROPE-COMBOs at you, leaving you incapacitated. Then he would proceed to ask you where you keep your dog's seizure medication. Would he be wrong? Fuck THAT, he's not wrong he just has no fans.